Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
