Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize