I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Randomize
