bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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