I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I need to align my fucking chakras
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
