A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
