he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
