I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
