I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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