eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
zippers are such a cool invention
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I did not marry a roomba.
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