Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If I die, sorry about rent.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
