Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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