I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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