hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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