my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I intend to get homeless drunk
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
