just tell him i said nine months
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
