TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
