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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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