It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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