Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
