I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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