11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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