my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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