yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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