Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
