Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
