Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
