if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
