well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
