a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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