i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
