I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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