Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dicks are not precious.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
