Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
