why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
