I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
