i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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