I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
