Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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