YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
