my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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