i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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