Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
