Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
