Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
