just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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