if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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