That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
