Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I can't turn off my feet"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize