he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
