i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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