Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
