you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
wow bdsm is so cute
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
