Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize