i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
