I'm lost and stupid without you.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
