he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
