Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
