Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
