She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
