I think my fart just growled at me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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