At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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