her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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