you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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