Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
