i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
