when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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