you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
