I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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