You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
