There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
