Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
