i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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