It's Friday. Sex?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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