Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
