Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
